The face of Depression

Do you think you know what it looks like? Does it look like the bank teller taking and giving money? Does it look like your child's third grade teacher? Does it look like the nurse taking your blood pressure? The answer is yes. Depression hits anyone in any profession. Doctors, teachers, lawyers, moms, dads, soldiers. No one is immune. I thought I was. Ha! It kicked me in the butt. It almost ruined my marriage, almost ruined me. I had never suffered from depression before my first miscarriage. I don't think I was too bad off then, but it sucked at the time. It really hit me after I lost Jeremiah. I suffered from insomnia, became a recluse for awhile, and didn't want to talk to anybody. Life just sucked for awhile. But, I worked through my problems on my own, came out of the bubble and was good. That was until I had Nathaniel. I was under the impression that when I had a baby I would be OK. That my sadness would end. Yeah, not true! I ended up with severe PPD. Some days I was OK, but most I was not. I tried different meds to help, but none of them did. All I wanted to do was sleep. Add moving a few times, the transitionfrom military life to civilian life and being broke, and our lives sucked. We were in Va, all the way across the country from friends and family and life just took a downward spiral. My house was disgusting, all I did all day was sit on the couch. Most times I hadn't even showered by the time my hubby got home at 6 PM. My husband finally opened my eyes to the way my life had become. He was on the verge of leaving me. Taking our son and leaving! Anyone who knows us knows how crazy we are for each other. WE are strong together, we belong together, but my depression was driving a huge wedge between us. I went to the Dr and he found something that worked. I'd say within a week I felt almost 100% back to my regular self. And then the emotions floored me. I think I cried for a week straight. I was so heartbroken by the way I treated my husband. My partner for life. The man who stood by me through everything. And my son. My sweet, innocent baby didn't deserve to have a mom who was like this. I am so thankful that Jeremy continued to stand by me. It's been 3 years that I have been "clean". I haven't been on medicine for about a year and a half now. I made it through having another baby, and while there was a touch of PPD, it wasn't nearly as bad and didn't last long. My husband is still by my side, still loving me and taking care of me. He is my rock. I wish I could go back to the days before Jeremiah. I wish I knew what life was like not having a broken heart or a crushed spirit. I know God has done amazing things in my life since, and I know He will continue to do so, and I'm thankful I also have Him on my side♥