How...??

How does one get over hurting the one they love? How do you wake up and face a new day, knowing he's hurting because of what you have become? Where did the woman you once were go? How do you get her back? I don't know the answer to any of the questions, but I'd like to. My heart is broken, and I need to fix it. I'm scared. I'm scared that I have pushed him too far away to get him back. I don't know where to even begin to fix things. Seems things have been broken for so long, I never even saw it. I don't like being blindsided. but I have been, and now I need to learn how to deal with it, then work on fixing it. I just need to take the first step. The first step is always the hardest. The first step, in my mind, means you have failed. Maybe I have taken the first step, because I sure do feel like a failure. I've failed my husband, I've failed my kids, I've failed myself. If you are reading this, take note, Dawn sucks, don't let her fool you into thinking otherwise. A stranger on the outside would never know, but the feelings and thoughts inside of me are tormenting me, making me hate myself even more than I normally do. I just want to go back to a happy place. A time where my thoughts were filled with laughter. A time where love ruled and nothing bad could get me. I want to go back to the day I fell in love and keep those feelings on the surface for all to see. I want to go back to being carefree, innocent, protected from life's harsh realities. I want the weight of the world off my shoulders, I want the thoughts, the despair, to disappear from my life. I want to be me again.