Monday, August 17, 2009

How do you find the happiness again?

And where did it go? I was looking at pictures of my life 9 years ago. I was such a different person then. I was so young, so innocent, not yet jaded my this cruel thing we call life. I am happy now, but it's different. I love my family, my friends. But I am not the carefree person I was then. Did that go away when the responsibilities of motherhood set in? I don't know. I feel like all I am is a shell of my former self. I want my husband to look at me, with love, and see the woman I once was, the one he fell in love with. Where did she go? Is she still in there somewhere? How do I find her again? So many times I want to just disappear. I want to just go and pretend my life never happened. To leave and never look back. I just feel like I am no longer good enough. Crazy, I know. I often wish that my kids were born to the woman I was 10 years ago, not the one I am now. I just want a do over. I want to push the rewind button and skip a few parts, erasing them from ever happening. I wish it were that simple.

Posted by ☼SunshineDaisy☼ at 10:27 AM

3 comments:

  1. Stephanie FarisAugust 17, 2009 at 4:03 PM

    (((HUGS)))

    I'm 38 years old and have never had children. I've had to face the fact that I'll never have a child look at me and say, "Mommy I love you." I'm coming to terms with that but it's not easy.

    Let's face it, not all of us are meant for motherhood. I'd venture to guess MOST moms feel the way you feel right now sometimes -- they just aren't as honest about it. They feel invisible, taken for granted, and like nobody knows what they're going through.

    For what it's worth, I think you're incredible and I think your husband probably does see you...it's just all lost in the shuffle. A date night might really do wonders for both of you, especially you!

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  2. LissalooAugust 27, 2009 at 11:20 AM

    Wow, reading this post gave me goose bumps. I just want to say, you are so not alone. I have a lot of those same feelings almost everyday, it's hard to see what's been gained over whats been lost as we move on through life.
    I snuck over from Stephanie's Blog to check you out, you left such an uplifting sweet comment there I wanted to see what your blog was like, it's a delight :)

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  3. ☼SunshineDaisy☼August 28, 2009 at 8:09 AM

    Aww, thank you :) Feel free to read whenever! I post just a lot of random junk. This is mostly my rambling through my fight with depression.

    And thank you Stephanie!

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