I should have a 2nd grader!

So, if Jeremiah had lived he should be starting 2ND grade this year. Kind of weird to think I could have an almost 7 year old. In 1 month we will be celebrating his 7Th birthday/Heaven day. I wonder if I will think this way my entire life? Will I always wonder what could have been? I often find myself watching Nathaniel and wonder if Jeremiah would have been the same way. Would he look like his brother? I hate not ever knowing. I hate that I have to wait an entire lifetime to see him, to possibly hear him, to touch him again. No one should ever have to wait a lifetime to hold their baby again. I hate that Jeremy and I have been robbed of so much with Jeremiahs passing. We were so young, so naive to life's harshness. I am thankful for the few precious hours I got to hold my baby. I will remember his smell for as long as I live, I will remember the way he looked for forever, I just wish it could have been longer. I wish he could have stayed inside a few more weeks, gotten a little bit stronger and survived. I wish he could have been around to play with his little brother and sister. So many wishes that will never come true. So many tears that have fallen silently for my little boy. So many milestones we have missed out on with him. So much life left to live without him. Life is tough to survive, I wonder how I have managed so far?