Seven years ago today

My little man would be 7 today had he lived. 7 long years. Yes, I am thankful for my babies, but I will never forget and never stop wondering. I can't. I don't know how. I never asked to be a part of this club. I was young, very unprepared for life as a mother to an angel. I just wish I knew what happened. What went wrong. I found out in my 5Th pregnancy that I have a blood clotting disorder. By all rights I should have lost Jeremiah early on, like the other 3 babies I lost. There is no medical reason that I carried him as long as I did. The Dr's could never, and most likely will never, figure it out. My diet wasn't much different, I only took prenatal pills, I didn't take as much folic acid that I should have been. Not enough to sustain the pregnancy. Something else was going on, something I will never know. All I know is that life was good one minute, and the next it went downhill for awhile. It took a very long time to get back. I am still making my way back, 7 years later. I have set backs now and then, but have an awesome husband who helps me find my way back. I wouldn't be here without him. He is my light, and I pray that he continues shining for me.